I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize