My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
