i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
