I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
