You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
