thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
