i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
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