the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
