wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
