in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
