It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
