If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You took a bar mat shot.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I am available for nakedness
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
