I need to stop coming to work sober
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
