He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
