I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
