About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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