Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
