evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
