Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
