it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
