I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
