Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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