So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
