Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
