I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I FOUND THE LEGS
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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