Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
