your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
