Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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