you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
