Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
