the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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