drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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