my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
