My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
