You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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