I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
