I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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