dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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