This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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