Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
