She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Girls should come with a carfax report
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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