so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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