I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
