Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
