Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Be still, my beating vagina.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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