I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize