One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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