My brain says no but my pants say off.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
