I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
