I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
