How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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