I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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