Small penises have feelings too.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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