i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
