You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
