Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I currently don't understand fingers.
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