I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
