$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize