i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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