Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
