if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
