just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My cat gives me a boner
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
