I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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