I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
