Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
