IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize