Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I looked at my own cervix.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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