We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
