Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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