That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
