Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize