im holly from the hills drunk
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
