no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
