just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
