We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize