what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
