When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
