u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Randomize
