oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
