I think im going to throw up on grandma
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize