he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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