ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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