i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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